- Are You Dating Mr. Right Or Mr. Right Now? How To Tell
- Unlucky-in-love divorcee finds Mr Right after chance meeting at Table 13
- Get the latest from TODAY
It puts too much pressure on a man, causing him to withdraw from you. Unfortunately many, many women make this mistake with men without ever realizing it or consciously knowing it. I want to show you how. Guaranteeing that you end of up in a relationship with the man you want is about two things:. And learning how to find a good man, show him what a great catch you are, and then building a strong foundation that will help your relationship together flourish. But how do you do this? How do you approach and meet the right man, attract him, draw him close to you, and have him wanting more?
This program goes into great detail highlighting the ways single women unconsciously sabotage relationships at the very start… and gives a step by step approach on how to use the dating phase to meet, attract and connect with a high quality man. In addition to what YOU should do to connect with a man, this program will show you how men approach dating differently from women. Understanding his process will enable you to take control of your dating destiny, putting you in control of the end result.
The problem with skipping the dating phase is that you miss your chance to build a strong foundation for a loving relationship. The good news is that starting things off the right way allows your new romance to grow and last , while still being as exciting, fulfilling, and fun as a whirlwind romance.
You can download my programs or watch them online from your computer, smartphone, or other portable device. What Christian Carter said men do and say and how they act and react has been exactly and precisely how he has behaved — even so far as using the exact same words to express himself, his needs and desires and wishes.
And I thought I would give this a try. The greatest thing I got is that I need to center more in myself, rather than in what happens outside me. Once in a life time. Thank you. Time waits for no one. We take your privacy very seriously. Disclaimer : Results will vary, and you should not use this information as a substitute for help from a licensed professional. I always say that meeting and marrying the right guy should not be rocket science and if you follow the simple guidelines above I guarantee your journey to marriage will certainly be a lot smoother. Totally lost at sea as to how to actually meet a guy and take it from coffee to marriage?
Click the button below to discover how you can meet, match and marry your ideal man after just 3 dates. Did you know that there is a huge group of Muslim women out there in the wild who are single and over 30?! Yes you may well gasp! What are they thinking, roaming around our major world cities being all beautiful and successful and single and stuff. Haven't you heard they are dangerous?? The point is I am so fed up of hearing single Muslim women vilified and shoved into ridiculous stereotypes created by myths that have somehow morphed into truths and perpetrated by those who have zero idea of what it takes to be a single Muslim woman over 30 in this day and age.
So before you go out and purchase your official Cat Lady Starter Kit, take a look at these 5 ridiculous myths you've been fed and why they are utter BS! Ok hold on! At what point did we start to rank each other according to their reason for being single? When others suggest that your only option is to become a second wife they are assigning you what they perceive to be the lowest quality spouse you can get purely because of your age.
Of course you might consider being a second wife if it appeals to you the same way you might consider marrying a guy who's never been married before. Personal preference. And they are all equally valid options and all open to you. Any one of those lovely guys could make you happy. Don't believe people when they touch you lovingly on the arm, tilt their smug heads to one side and suggest you become wife number 2 purely because you have "no other options".
This seems to rely on an assumption that you will be exposed to a set number of men during your lifetime i. People get married at all ages. Single men are in abundance and new ones appear everyday. There are plenty of "boats" out there sister! Again this alludes to a sense of panic and the idea that you are "running out" of guys to chose from. Because some guys are looking for someone younger or taller or thinner than you? I woke up single one morning and by the time I went to bed I had met the man who became my husband 7 months later. It could happen any day.
Your job is to be emotionally, mentally and spiritually prepared to receive him and to continue living your fabulous life in the meantime. A lot of women though not all do desire greatly to have children and raise a family. However, we forget that children are actually a bonus part of marriage. Or you could get married in your 30s and have your first child at 39 and more after that. If you currently have a loving and supportive network of family and friends that you nurture and grow, they will be there when you are old too. Human relationships go beyond marriage and even if you did get married you may outlive your spouse anyway and, God forbid, may even your children.
Know that you are exactly where you need to be right now and that nothing and no one can stop you from being with the person who has been destined for you. Click the button below to learn the 5 stages to resetting your marriage mindset so you no longer freak out because you are confident abut the future. In the quest for marriage it happens that relationships form. I have covered the dangers of not getting over an ex proerply in a prvious blog article, what I want to focus on today is how to do that.
So here are some tips to help you get out of the ex rut and start meeting and appreciating new guys. When you look back on ex relationships you have a tendency to wear those deceptive rose tinted glasses and think upon the good times with extreme fondness and totally obliterate the bad moments. This happens more when you are feeling down or lonely and you tend to go backwards to what you perceive was good rather than look forward to what could be better. So as negative as it sounds, do remember the bad stuff too, it will remind you why things never worked out as well as why you deserve better.
Delete his number, delete his past messages, delete his photos. Otherwise they act as an anchor holding you back in the past and unable to move forward without much stress and heartache. It may take time but be proactive, practical amd move forward. Eventaully you will wonder who he ever was! But you did. And you will get over them all. It might not feel like it now but when you meet the right guy you will realise why all those other guys were not him. Stop thinking of him as the be all and end all when there are so many other wonderful guys out there.
For a while your focus on been on him , your relationship and the possibility of marriage. When things end it literally feels like the end of the world because all the stuff you were occupied with no longer exists.
Are You Dating Mr. Right Or Mr. Right Now? How To Tell
This is when it is time to get back to you and your life and your world. The one you probably put on hold while with this guy. Look after you and your needs now. Yes the last thing you might want to do is meet guys but the beauty of speed dating is that it rarely ends up in marriage. Win win! Pain from past heartbreak is one of the key factors that keeps single ladies in a state of fear and unable to truly connect to anyone new.
Click the button below to find out more. Picture this scenario. You meet a nice guy online. You exchange a few messages via the website before deciding to exchange numbers. You then start to text each other. A lot! You begin to feel a little flutter each time his name appears on your Whatsapp screen. Then you speak to each other on the phone. For a few hours! You text late into the night and again upon waking. The following night is the same. Sound familiar? This becomes a daily pattern.
Suddenly you have someone to brighten up your day! This is all going so well! Or is it? Already your mind and heart may be swimming with ideas of where this is going and how you will break the news to your family. So sisters, how can you ensure that you avoid disappointment and heartbreak in this situation? Keep your interactions short and sweet in the beginning.
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I know it feels great to meet someone you really connect with and all you want to do is spend every waking moment getting to know them so you can hurry up and get married! Until you have physically met and established a real connection, keep the first few phone calls short and sweet, friendly and fun, engaging and exciting. Never longer than 30 minutes! Find a polite way to end the conversation. If your first phone calls are lasting hours, the message is that you are willingly giving a man you have never met so much of your time and energy. He gets to have someone listen to him, he feels needed and appreciated and you have reaffirmed that he is a catch!
Where is his incentive to pursue you, discover more about you and marry you? I know for some sisters it takes time to feel comfortable to meet someone face to face. But the longer you are talking on the phone and messaging, you are falling further into the virtual relationship trap rather than cultivating a real relationship. The reality can be quite different.
The worst thing you can do is to have built up all kinds of hopes and plans for the future in your virtual relationship only to realise upon meeting, that you are not compatible. You will feel like you have wasted your time not to mention embarrassed at all the deep and personal stuff you may have now shared! There will be lots you want to know and share. Can you sustain the conversation in person? Can it go beyond stories from your childhood and questions about where you want to live oneday?
By this I mean do not bring your entire life, world, daily routine to a halt and lavish all of your attention and time on this man. Go out with your friends, continue to meet and chat to other prospective husbands, pursue your hobbies, go ahead and book that summer holiday. Do not cancel social events with friends to stay home and chat to him! By continuing your life as normal, the message you will give him is that you have a rich and fulfilling life, you are an interesting person and the pressure is not on him to fill your life with meaning. Trust me, nothing is more alluring to a man that a woman who enjoys life!
Ready to get of that eternal square 1 and actually meet and connect with the right man so it leads to marriage? The click the button below to find out more.. The last 3 guys you met were either married, sex-hungry or just plain weird some were all 3. That guy you've been chatting to for a few days has just vanished into thin air even though you can SEE he's online everyday! Oh and that handsome Sports' Coach you hesitantly contacted online has informed you that you are an inch short of his height requirements in a wife. I can hear you gasp from behind your laptop!
I need to find The One!
Time is ticking by very loudly! I just want to find the right person so I can sigh, relax and BUT here are 3 reasons why you need to stop looking if you want to find The One:. You've spent so long juggling work, family and the husband hunt that you've stopped taking care of yourself. You no longer have the time for the things that make you happy, you spend most of your free time glancing anxiously at your phone and most of your weekend meeting potentials.
It's exhausting! Make a list of 20 things that make you happy, that you enjoy doing and have nothing to do with anyone else. Take 7 days and commit to doing 3 of these things everyday. Searching for a spouse can feel like running on a hamster wheel and somewhere between the last 2 guys you met you lost focus on what you actually need from a marriage.
You've spent so much energy trying to impress, fit the mould and be accepted by potential spouses that you've lost sight of what you need from them. Make a list of 5 emotions you wish you feel in a marriage e. Memorise them for when you are ready to get back out there again and make sure you are getting them! Spouse searching is tiring. The endless meetings, the uncertainty and the rejections can leave you feeling mentally and emotionally spent. You can't search effectively if you don't have the mental and emotional energy the same way you can't run a marathon if you are not in great physical shape.
Honestly I recommend you do this at least once a month. Not Single Anymore! Did you know almost all the ladies I have worked with have gone onto get married once they took a step back from marriage an put the focus back on themselves. Want to learn how to reset your marriage mindset and finally get married? Click the button below…. What actually IS dating and what does it mean to the single Muslimah looking for a spouse? In the western world dating generally means an extended period of getting to know someone through frequent meetings, seeing where it goes, possibly living together and, if both parties are like-minded, knowing that it will probably result in marriage.
In fact, up until recently the only dates we considered were Mejdoul! I know, I know! Like it or not , unchaperoned meetings between independent, like-minded Muslim men and women have become the way forward in choosing a spouse. Unfortunately it is this grey area in which much misunderstanding and hurt can occur. A lot of Muslims belong to the strictly-no-meeting school of thought and prefer that interaction should not take place before marriage other than one preliminary chaperoned meeting to make a decision. Then there are, what I believe, to be the most prominent group. Those ensconced somewhere in the middle between struggling to unite Islamic practice and living in the modern world.
And yes I probably mean you. You are deadly serious about marriage because as a Muslim woman that is what you want, that is your right and you are ready for the responsibilities. However, as a single Muslimah living in a modern world where you pretty much make most of your own decisions, you realise that in order to fulfill your dream there has to be a bit of give and take.
And as much as you want to get married you cannot fathom the idea of making a decision based on one meeting alone.
Unlucky-in-love divorcee finds Mr Right after chance meeting at Table 13
So the plan is this: that you meet someone whether online or otherwise , spend some time getting to know him maybe a few weeks or months and hopefully both of you will declare your intention and willingness to move forward and agree that you are right for each other and get married.
Essentially it is not dating in the western sense but a shorter period of getting to know someone through meeting and interacting with them, often unchaperoned, but generally in public, to decide whether or not you want to marry each other. The majority of single Muslim women today are faced with a generation of Muslim men though not all of you guys before you start chasing me with pitchforks!
Is it any wonder than the Muslim woman is becoming disillusioned and frustrated in her search for a spouse? Whether you want to call it dating, purposeful meeting or just plain getting-to-know-him opportunities, it exists and, done correctly , it works! We cannot turn to dating guides written by authors whose goals and timelines are different to ours or to the chick flicks and Bollywood movies that only create a fantasy instead of guiding you to the reality of life as a single Muslim woman in search of commitment.
We need to learn the skills to help us navigate this new arena and ensure that we are in a place to be making informed decisions.
Were you wrong to have asked that question? Should you have said more about other things? The uncertainty definitely used to give me sleepless nights. Click below to find out more…. Times are not what they used to be. We live in a world where we are surrounded by choice: what to eat, what to wear, who to associate with and who not to. How do I know this? I had been looking since I was in my 20s but faced rejection after rejection for the most ridiculous of reasons. Probably younger too. I avoided anything to do with weddings be it weddings shows, Bollywood songs about weddings and often just weddings themselves!
I could never understand why others could do it so easily. I remember the gut-wrenching feeling every time I received a wedding invitation from someone younger than me. I imagined them making wedding plans, surrounded by loving, crooning female relatives then later on after marriage travelling the world and making a flock of babies while I was still dragging myself out on those first dates trying to turn a coffee at Starbucks into something meaningful and full of potential. But sadly this is not the end of the pain for our single sisters oh dear ummah.
Oh no, she then has to face your criticism and judgement. The way you ignore her when marriage proposals come up, favouring the younger girls in your circle instead. The way you look at her with a mixture of pity and scorn for being where she is and not yet married, as if it is some kind of exclusive club and she is still merely a child for not yet being a part of it. Yes single sisters you know what I mean. As if being married takes you to the next level of the martyrdom game and gives you extra points.
But the assumption is that your life is somehow way easier because you have no husband or kids. You may be thinking, well what about the guys over 30? The answer is of course they too suffer from rejection and anxiety because they too want to settle. But the difference is they have much more choice than the sisters.
A guy aged 35 with a great job , a car and a place of his own is at the top of the bachelor pile and will often overlook her for a younger sister if that is what he wants. A woman aged 35 with a great job, a car and a place of her own unfortunately does not share the same prestige. She is treated with suspicion and ridicule and Allah forbid she should be looking anywhere other than her age group or older! As a result the single sister ends up taking near desperate measures. She puts up with all kinds of questionable behaviour because she believes she is compromising but actually what she is doing is clinging onto the hope that he will be the one to marry her and show the world that she is wanted and loved.
Like a lot of Muslim women , most of our lives we were told to stay away from boys and were led to view them as something taboo and wrong. Then all of a sudden we were told to go out there and meet someone just like that. The problem is we have never been equipped with the tools to make those decisions. In western culture, girls have boyfriends from a very young age and quickly learn the rules of love, often supported and guided by the parents. Our sisters instead are raised to succeed in education and employment, which is great, but we were never raised learning how to choose a spouse other than looking at a bunch of useless biodata facts, making a decision based on his height, age, education and income and hoping that the one coffee we have with him after work one day will seal the deal.
But because these are the only things we have ever been told to go by, we cling to them, never daring to widen our options for fear that we are deserting all that we know to be correct in the art of choosing a spouse. I want us as an ummah to recognise the pain and trials that our single sisters over a certain age have to endure and to show a little empathy and understanding towards their situation.
Most of these women are dying to find that one guy who will be their companion, their best friend and their soulmate and your criticism of them will only destroy their self-esteem further. Next time you meet a sister who has been single a long time, ask her how she is feeling not whether she has met anyone yet. Amd if she does disclose her struggles to you empathise with her pain even if you do not understand it and treat her like the smart, valued, worthy member of society and the ummah that she is.
It is my gift to you in a world where no one seems to understand what you are going though and expects so much of you with so little support offered. Sister have you had enough of feeling frustrated and blocked every time to try to move forward with your search?
Click below and discover how you can reset your mindset so you feel re-energise, optimistic and happy again, confident that you will get married. In the virtual jungle exist genuine, good, kind hearted diamond guys. Like you, they are online looking for a similarly genuine and sincere other half who is looking for marriage.
Sadly however, these poor guys seem to be hidden under a nest of vipers! And it is these vipers who seem to be the only ones who creep into your inbox and cause havoc! So who are the top 7 deadliest guys the single Muslima commonly comes across online? This has to be the number one gripe I hear everyday. Some guys go about it quite sneakily, asking you for general pictures, then full body pictures etc until they finally ask you for a nude picture and more! He may even try to manipulate you by making you feel like a prude and old fashioned for not wanting to indulge him. Other guys are unbelievably frank about it and inform you upfront that they are looking for a physical relationship.
Of course added to the mix are the married guys who are online for this very purpose! This guy sees himself as a finished product from his flash car to his often bigoted opinions. He is not open to change or growth unless it is a growth in his income or manhood. As far as he is concerned he is king and you are lucky to have the privilege to talk to him. He will find ways to make you feel inadequate like commenting on your appearance, your weight or even the area where you live!
He can be quite sly and manipulative in the way he makes you feel you are not good enough. He thinks everyone should endeavour to be like him and with him. He makes you come to him, he makes little effort to get to know you because you are not important enough to be considered an entity in your own right. His Needs. His wants. Whilst there are some genuine non resident guys out there who are looking to marry a woman for love and companionship, for every one of those there is a guy who is simply seeking to renew his visa.
He is usually a student of some kind or works in a cash in hand job that has no obligation to renew his visa when it ends. He is sharing a bedroom in a flat with 5 of his cousins. He wants to marry you asap. He double checks that you were born here and work here. He will move at the speed of light to get the ball rolling, he will request to meet your family the following weekend and be married by the end of the month when the visa expires. Whilst you want a guy who is on good terms with his family and shows a respectful attitude towards the one who gave birth to him, some guys just take it to the extreme.
He continuously quotes the jannat under the feet of your mother hadith as a free pass to demand you do everything his mother says, wants and does. He will outline exactly what he expects your wifely duties to be and bar sex, they are usually the things his mum does for him like pressing his feet or cooking only the things he likes. He wants you to not only live with his mum but take active steps to learn from her and be just like her. This guy needs professional help before he can can truly expect to find a wife.
Otherwise he spends his hours chatting to women with the sole purpose of proving them wrong about everything and pointing out their faults! This will only come to light when he shows another a real photo of himself or worse still, when you go to meet him and what appears to be his dad turns up. Meanwhile you have to sit through coffee with an even stranger stranger than you bargained for! Poor me, my pet crocodile is dying and I have no money to feed my grandmother! Or the best one I heard, I am about to go to prison unless I can pay my debt, please will you give me seemingly small but generous much so I can be free?
Ermmm, how about you sell your laptop, phone and cancel your subscription to this website? The saddest part of all of this is that these guys are totally ruining it for the good guys online! Meanwhile the good guys struggle to surface from beneath the scum that floats on the surface of the virtual sea! If you are ready to discover how to actually attract and connect with the good guys online then go on to meet and marry him then look no further!
Click the button below to find out how to up your online game immediately so the guys you actually like will find you…. There is so much more evaluate before saying yes and guess what sister? You have the right to make a choice based on your life as woman over How much of your career you are willing to sacrifice for marriage? You've spent years building a successful career, making lifelong connections at work and progressing up the ladder through your sheer determination, hard work and skill.
But when it comes to finding a spouse sadly this very same achievement can be your biggest blocker. Be super honest with yourself where you stand here. Do you feel happy and ready to take a break or slow the pace in your job to focus on marriage? Or do you feel that your job has become too significant a part of your life to simply give up?
Are you OK to take a step down or start a new job elsewhere? Your home and geographical location hold much more significance to you now that it would have done in your 20s. It's the place where you have created and maintained personal connections with people and if you are a homeowner or renting , it's the place where you've made a home for yourself.
What are your plans for your property if you have to leave it? What's the furthest you are prepared to move without losing all the connections and relationships you currently have? If you have children already then this is possibly the most crucial question as it not just your life that will change but theirs too.
Are you OK to shift them to a new school and have them make new friends? Or does their need for stability mean you desire to stay in the area? Maybe you have parents who require your care. In which case are you OK to leave them? Is there someone else in the house who would take care of them? Or would you rather have your husband move in with you so you can still take care of your parents? You should not feel guilted, shamed or bullied into making any decision that will create serious upheaval to your well-being. Own it, be proud of it and make an informed decision based on it.
Click below to discover how we can reset your marriage mindset together…. But how do you stay calm, sane and positive when you suddenly realise that you are the last singleton of your group? Acknowledge and embrace how you are feeling. Say it out loud to a trusted friend, write it in your diary or email it to me. Say it, say that you feel panicked, afraid, jealous, angry, outraged, whatever it is. Once you have said it you can then work through it.
Don't suppress it, it will only come back to haunt you in some unhealthy way. You would want your friends to be happy for you. She needs a supportive friend more than ever right now. Treat yourself! Ok this one is a bit superficial but do it! Buy that expensive coffee and cake, watch the film you love, have a hot bubbly bath, go to your favourite workout class. Whatever cheers you up, indulge and use it to remind yourself how deserving, valued and amazing you are whatever your marital status Remember we are only human. Yes we are Muslim but we are by no means perfect. You have a heart and a soul and, as women, Allah has blessed us with the ability to feel a range and depth of emotions.
It's how we deal with them that counts. When we feel these feelings of envy then guilt then sadness they are coming from a place of fear not spite. Click the button below to find out more about my top strategies for dealing with such feelings so they never block you from marriage again…. It's a sickening feeling, it can keep you awake in the early hours of the morning tossing and turning wondering whether you will ever get married, whether someone will ever say yes to you and see what a wonderful woman you are. Sadly you cannot stop rejection from happening, it's kind of part and parcel of the spouse-searching process but you can soften the blow when it happens.
So look back over times where something you wanted turned out to be wrong for you and use those examples to reaffirm your belief that this new rejection has happened for the best. Also look back on those moments of rejection where you felt you'd never meet another guy like him.
But you did didn't you? When we meet a guy it's not just a guy we are meeting but the key to our dreams of marriage. That's why when things don't go as planned it can feel like the end of your hopes for everything that could have been with that particular guy. The key is to stay mindful and in the moment when you meet someone new. Get to know the person rather than the wedding, marriage and married life he could potentially give you. Just because he didn't see your great qualities or wanted to marry you for them doesn't mean others won't. We are not to everyone's taste because we have different tastes.
I bet you can name 3 perfectly lovely guys you have said no to in the past and it was OK. It didn't mean you didn't appreciate their good points, they were just not for you. Sadly the movies lie to us when they present the heroine who fends off the advances of all to chose just one. In the case of looking for a spouse you need to think a little more practically.
Yes it sucks if the guy you thought was a perfect match didn't feel the same way. But it doesn't mean you are not worth the kind of guy you are looking for. It just means that particular guy wasn't for you. The worst thing you can do when suffering from the hurt of rejection is to get right back on the horse. It may feel like the strong Beyonce independent woman thing to do but really it's like running on a broken ankle!
Let yourself heal, feel good about yourself again, look after yourself and only get back out there when you are ready otherwise your search will be fruitless. Nothing is more important than your well being and happiness and married or single we are each responsible for ensuring our own. Right will not escape you or pass you by if you take some time out for yourself first. What might you do differently next time? What will you be on the lookout for?
What do you now know is a total no no for you? Do it without blaming yourself, do it objectively and look the future and how your new-found wisdom will serve you better next time. You can either grow from it or let it destroy you. If you let it destroy you, you are only hurting yourself. It may feel like the end of the world each time it happens but each time it happens you will bounce back again because your goal is marriage, companionship and happiness and you can find that with any number of the single Muslim guys out there. He wasn't interested?
It's OK. There IS someone out there who has been kept for you and if you need to meet a few frogs along a the way it's OK too. If constant rejection has left you feeling a little broken and unsure of yourself then let me help you back up again. Click the image below to find out more But there it is. That one phrase that , as a single woman, can just cut you down and diminish you to nothing but a mere woman-child who apparently has no idea of what life really is.
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They all boil down to one ugly assumption : that as a single woman your life is WAY easier than theirs. You have endless amounts of free time, your cash flow is bottomless and your problems stretch no further than chipped nail polish. You might have a bit more spare time and you may have a bit of extra cash at the end of the month but please do not assume that it makes life less stressful. You are in charge of your own life and whilst it is a hugely liberating experience it is also a potentially scary one.
You pay the bills, you pay the mortgage, you maintain the car and you deal with the unpleasantness of day to day living by yourself. It brings to mind the friend who once said me "how can you be broke? You're single! You're also alone in dealing with the daily battle of trying to stay positive as you wonder when exactly you are going to find The One and get married.