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- I Stopped Eating Vegetables for Over 60 Days and Ate a Carnivore Diet! - Kristen Suzanne
- The Best Jerky in America
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On the day I visit, a coffin-size Tupperware container is open and memorabilia is all over the floor of Brennan's workspace. There are relics here from the Jerky Boys' humble beginnings: The unwieldy cassette recorder used to tape calls, and the original speakerphone upon which said calls were made. Brennan eagerly shows me everything, treating a fan-made drawing of Frank Rizzo with the same reverence and exuberance as his platinum-album-certification plaque.
Brennan's house is on a acre plot surrounded by a creek. This is a guy whose entire career is built on diversity of sounds, and now there is sonic stillness in Cornwall, a pervasive quiet. His land has little on it besides the house, including an old milking barn he's converting into a recording studio and a shovel truck he uses to clear away fallen trees and probably just drive around like a badass.
Brennan offers a smorgasbord of products and services on the website. For a small fee, listeners can download previously unreleased calls during which Brennan tries out new characters — one is an excitable fast-talking agent named Silverman who promises clients the moon if they simply agree to work with "Silverman, baby! This usually takes the form of a "roast," wherein Brennan, using information provided by "loved ones," mocks someone in character. When he isn't overseeing his humble Jerkys empire, Brennan works on Family Guy he says that before the show aired, he read for the starring role of Peter Griffin and does quite a bit of voice-over work for commercials.
A lot of his money comes in fits and starts from an ongoing financial tug-of-war: Brennan says that he's owed a hefty chunk of royalty money.
He settled for "one or two thousand dollars. The frequent tweets and e-mails he gets from fans, who typically quote lines back at him though with affection , help abate any resentment, but Brennan does have his sore spots. The current Jerky Boys website is conspicuously free of any mention of his old partner, Kamal Ahmed. He'd rather talk about the present. He makes a conversational pivot and tells me about New Politics, a rock band from Denmark whose young members recently discovered the Jerky Boys and have been making their own prank calls from the road.
I went on to more meaningful things. There's clearly some unresolved bad blood in the 17 years since Ahmed left the group, slipping a "goodbye" note to the guys' then-manager. But their initial partnering wasn't nearly as passive. Brennan was pulling a classic "Johnny" when he decided one day, as a year-old kid, to take his sister's life-size doll, strap a bunch of football gear onto it, head to the roof of his Astoria, Queens, apartment building, wait for a car to drive by, then.
I liked to do pranks that people looked at and went, 'This kid's out of his fucking mind. Ahmed, five years younger than Brennan, was present at the scene of the accident, and immediately drawn to the latter's, let's call it moxie. The two were fast friends. In the late Eighties, Brennan was working odd construction jobs in New York that had him up incredibly early in the morning, spreading hot tar across apartment building roofs.
Tarbash, the name for Ahmed's best-known character, an Egyptian magician, is a nickname Brennan and his brothers would throw around while tarring: "Hey, Tarbash, get more tar!
Gout? what the fuck??
He lived in Middle Village, Queens, and would stay up all night making prank calls to entertain friends. Ahmed would come by really late, after finishing gigs as a Lower East Side bouncer or playing bass in a band. They would record the calls and laugh their asses off. One day, Ahmed had an idea. He started passing out copies of these tapes within the music community and to people who came by the club.
The consensus was unanimous: They loved the Jerky Boys before they were even called the Jerky Boys Brennan's mom christened the group with its name just before its debut album. Through a kind of audio samizdat those tapes were bootlegged and spread throughout the country. Having heard them became a measure of comedy cool. Once they began to earn recognition, says Ahmed, his relationship with Brennan started to sour.
Ahmed claims that his and Johnny's management team kept telling him to be happy as a sidekick, and that they even tried, on multiple occasions, to have him replaced. But Ahmed stuck around because he had fond memories of staying up late at night, goofing around, doing those calls for nobody but themselves. Well, there was also the fact that his father guilt-tripped him into sticking it out. That's how people got to live in the world. In most of the world, that's how people live. If you quit something where you could make a couple of dollars, I'll disown you.
Ahmed made it until before leaving for good. Post-Jerky Boys, he pursued filmmaking. Talking with Ahmed, its easy to get the sense that he believes there's a grand back-and-forth between the two founding Jerky Boys — a real he-said, he-said beef. But Brennan doesn't speak ill of Ahmed. He respects the guy for branching out into film, and acknowledges that the group wouldn't be where it is without Ahmed distributing the tapes and inventing his own characters. Brennan has a lingering memory of the last time he saw his old partner.
It was at a Jerky Boys record-store-signing session, held shortly before Ahmed quit. There, Ahmed gently and unexpectedly held Brennan's infant daughter in the air, so that the assembled adoring fans could see the beautiful Jerky baby. When the signing was over, the two went their separate ways, and haven't been in the same room since. The Jerky Boys transcended messing around with someone. Schumer remembers how she set out in middle school to emulate the Jerky Boys. She took an empty camera, and, pretending to be a yearbook photographer, asked classmates to pose for a series of embarrassing shots.
She'd never even loaded the camera with film. Today, her show's woman-on-the-street interview segments are shot with the Jerkys' quick-witted audacity. That's a lot of Jerky Boys. Wait, actually, don't do that. It'll probably catch fire. Where it is on the cow: Basically all the shoulder right behind the neck What it is: Chuck's a value steak, but that doesn't mean it's not delicious when you get the right slab and prepare it properly. The chuck eye is like the rib eye's less well-to-do brother. The top blade's what you're getting with a flat-iron steak.
Pot roast is all chuck. The rest goes into burgers. You're a hell of a diverse guy, Chuck!
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But be wary at the supermarket: Chuck's often generically labeled, so definitely look for the one without a ridiculous amount of fat on it… otherwise, you're grilling up something that belongs in a slow-cooker. What to do with it: Because it's a tougher cut, you need to pay special attention; if you keep it on the grill too long, chuck's gonna be tougher than a certain Texas Ranger.
You can also braise it, but you'll definitely want to hit it with some tenderizer first. Or tie it up and roast it. If all else fails, a trip to a slow cooker will do. Where it is on the cow: The lower breast What it is: One of the most universally loved cuts around the world, it's a mainstay in pho and extremely popular on the Korean BBQ menu.
In Texas, it's pretty much the state animal, despite just being a part of an animal. When shopping for the perfect brisket, look for a nice layer of fat. Also, give it a poke: if it's super-stiff, it'll remain that way when you cook it. If it's soft, you're gonna have something that melts in your mouth. What to do with it: There are a billion ways to cook it, but in the interest of not being shot by the whole of Texas, the best way is to crack open a Lone Star , hit it with a rub and then slow-smoke it until it's basically falling apart and rocks a pink ring otherwise reserved for The Cat in the Hat Comes Back.
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Where it is on the cow: Toward the rear, right above the flank and behind the short loin What it is: For a while, this hunk of bottom sirloin was typically used for burgers. Then, in the '50s, some dude in Cali decided that it would be better off as a grilled or smoked steak. He was right, and thus was born the Santa Maria steak. Now, the gigantic heart-shaped cut is everywhere, from specialty butchers to Costco, which sells a pre-marinated version die-hards swear by.
What to do with it: Just grill it, slow and low. Then hit it with chimichurri or hot sauce. What to do with it: Because cows apparently have washboard abs sleeping standing up is great for the core, apparently , you're gonna need to marinate this sucker, then either braise it or broil the holy hell out of it.
Either way, you need to keep an eye on it so it doesn't become so tough you dislocate your jaw. Where it is on the cow: Right in the middle of the loin, in that magical place between the short loin, the sirloin, and the round What it is: This is the tenderest, leanest part of the cow. What to do with it: You can roast a big'un and cut it into nice little bloody medallions, or blast steaks preferably bacon-wrapped in a broiler or on a grill to get the maximum flavor. Some broiled blue cheese or a splash of Bordelaise gussies it up.
So does lobster tail. Come on, Tim.
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I used Szechuan stir fry sauce with a bit of teriyaki sauce instead of soy sauce, and this turned out fantastic! Also, I used garlic powder instead of the cloves. My husband and 9 month old baby both loved it. Very easy recipe…Thanks!! And instead of […]. Made it yesterday. Sliced it and put it in my salad sandwich. Fantastic texture and flavour! Love it! I just made this and it turned out perfect.
Frying it in an iron skillet gave it a great crunch texture on the outside. This recipe is an adaption of one I found at the Post Punk Kitchen. I decided to go the vegan route this time. I had some seitan handy, so I pan fried that until slightly crisp. Add crusty bread, and […]. Ses […]. Love seitan, but also need to hold down the sodium, and store-bought seitan is waaay too salty. I used this recipe, but cut the soy sauce to just a dash, and I used onion and garlic powder.
Found, too, that adding a bit of celery seed and a little sage gives it a chicken-y flavor. They really need animal protein. The vegetarian cat may look healthy, but the damage is being done to the internal organs. If you want your cat to live a long, happy life my eldest is now 18 and a year cancer survivor [vaccine-related fibrosarcoma] , reassess any vegetarian diet and get some animal protein into it. Thanks for a great recipe.go to link
I Stopped Eating Vegetables for Over 60 Days and Ate a Carnivore Diet! - Kristen Suzanne
I made this, then the next day ran it through the mincer, sauteed it and made an amazing spaghetti bolognese. Hail Seitan! I followed the recipe and the seitan came out quite spongy. Is that what uncooked seitan is like? I also thought it was too salty although I used low sodium vegetable stock and liquid aminos instead of soy sauce. I feel like the taste may overpower whatever I use to cook the seitan in. It has a wonderful meaty flavor and texture. I added a little spice to the stew by chopping up a Serrano chile, but feel […].
I just made seitan for the first time and used this recipe. It turned out very well and the bouillon is delicious! Thanks so much for an easy to follow recipe. My second time making seitan in two days. The first batch was from a different recipe.
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It was a monumental disaster. Your recipe worked flawlessly. I just followed the steps word for word and no problems. I would like to add that after dividing the mixture into 3 separate pieces, I used a technique I had learned in the past for making donairs. To make the seitan nice and dense I took the dough and threw it onto a hard surface repeatedly. Doing this for a couple of minutes will make a nice firm seitan once cooked.
It basically makes it more dense with each throw. I hope it helps. I also did the recipe several times already and absolutely love it. Only problem: every time I make it green waxy stuff sediments in the broth. One other reader commented on this, see above. It seems the green stuff appears as the broth cools down. It is waxy in texture, flavorless and seems to do no bad, given that I have enjoyed all of the seitan without any detrimental effects.
It nevertheless looks worrisome, and I would rather want to avoid, if only to make my seitan-suspicious friends more comfortable with eating the product. In idea about its origin?
Thanks for the response! The original comment was by someone called J, August 31, at pm. This recipe is awesome! One extra thing I did was beat the hell out of the three pieces to make it more dense. I also sauteed it in coconut oil in a skillet. Thanks so much for your inspiration!! So I want to make it out of the floor oft sweet lupins. I think, that it could go just like making seitan out of wheat floor and not gluten floor. Have you any experiences in making seitan this way or hints for me? Posted […].
The Best Jerky in America
Do you have a favorite use for, or recipe that uses, the leftover broth? Two questions: 1 Can I re-use the simmering broth? If I refrigerate or freeze it? Also, my seitan looked like brains! But it looked like that before I put them in to simmer. My veggie stock that I added to the dough was lukewarm, not cold — 2 could that be why they looked all brainy? No amount of kneading seemed to help. Even though the loaves look super funky, they taste just fine and I plan to make the recipe with your pantry BBQ sauce. Just wondering how to make them a little prettier and more slice-able next time.
Thank you!! Lia is a vegemeat fiend. So glad we doubled […]. It was really hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that there was a food that […]. Can you guys please let me know, after you make the seitan, how you use it?! Say I wanted to make meatloaf or meatballs, what would I do then? Slice very thinly and flash brown in a pan. I would like to thank you for your generosity in posting this recipe as it has changed my life. I sauteed seitan slices like fajita steak strips and the seitan tasted like really fatty steak.
The texture, the flavor, OMG. With guacamole, and more fixings, we did not miss real meat and cheese together at all. Definitely now a part of our future staple kitchen recipes. Keep up the good work. Can I use xanthan gum as a replacement? Nancy, xanthan gum has no fat and no protein, the few calories it has are from fibrous carbs. It might achieve the glutens us function of holding the stuff together, but it would utterly fail as the kind of meat-substitute that wheat gluten which is basically protein serves as.
Maybe you could mix xanthan gum with some protein-complementary mix of non-wheat grain and bean flour and it would stick together enough to form a patty to cook. But nutritionally the are nothing alike. Of course, humans wage merciless […]. I made this tonight for the BBQ seitan and broccoli… the broc and sauce were perfect. The seitan was too overwhelming salty to taste the sauce. If I use this recipe again I might start by halving the soy sauce or just using more broth. Oh man. I just made this added some fennel seeds and fresh rosemary for a bit more punch and then made stuffed shell pasta with this and Kite Hill Cassucio vegan cheese.
Watch out! So good. I used low sodium soy sauce and low sodium vegetable broth and it turned out perfect. I feel it almost makes a better beef substitute than chicken substitute, which is how I originally thought of seitan. Then made a mushroom duxelles […]. I look forward to new updates and will talk about this site with my Facebook group. We had leftover broth from making 2 batches of seitan.
The recipe for that broth is from the Post Punk Kitchen. This turned out well and was much easier to make than I thought it would be! The first time I made this it was in blobs that stuck together, but this time it seems to want to have these pockets inside, almost like the holes in bread. And I cannot make those parts stick together no matter how much I beat the hell out of this stuff. Is it climate related or do I just need to turn on the turbo? This was fantastic right after being sauted, but it ended up kinda rubbery when I used it in jambalaya.
I ended up with simmering crumbles — instead of intact balls. Any advice on where I might have gone wrong? I have used this recipe to make southern fried seitan and I loved it. I found that I have better luck baking the seitan before adding it to a recipe than sauteeing it.
I also made the bbq sauce for the seitan, broccoli and bbq dish for tonight, and I know everyone will love it. So, I took a look at a couple different recipes mostly fairly old ones , and threw something together. I have to say, there is […]. For those who find it too salty, maybe try using a dark soy sauce rather than the saltier and much more common light soy sauce. Another staple for our kitchen. This recipe is definitely fool proof and the flavor is so good.
So grateful for this recipe! Thank you, Isa! FYI, a vendor on Amazon has a great deal on bulk vital wheat gluten. Simple Seitan from the PPK website — 1 cup vital wheat gluten flour — 3 tablespoons nutritional yeast flakes — […]. Came out just fine. I would prefer something a bit milder and less savory. Any suggestions? In fact, the more gluten I add, the firmer the finished product becomes it just gets tough to knead. This is an amazing tasting seitan! First time last night I got it right because of this recipe. My son and I were gobbling it down right out of the pan. The addition of raw garlic is key too.
The first thing you should know is that you can make your own seitan at home; homemade seitan is cheaper and can be seasoned however you want. Apparently, the Light Soy is saltier than the Dark Soy, which might explain why some found this recipe too salty. Many thanks from New Zealand for all of your wonderful recipes!
I had to cut the soy sauce in half on this recipe the second try. Love the texture but wow was it salty. From the Post-Punk Kitchen, an essential cookbook even though it can be a bit […]. This is my first attempt at making seitan and it was delicious! My housemates had lamb roasted in some sort of weird salty meringue, and I eagerly awaited my own novel meal simmering gently on the stove. Thanks Isa! Use 1 cup of stock for the wet mix and miss out the soy sauce. Then wrap in foil like a toosie roll and steam for 40 minutes or bake at C for 50 min, turning half way through.
Leave to cool on a surface for up to an hour. About cats, they need vitamin A as well as taurine. Humans can synthesize vitamin A from beta carotene, but cats have to actually consume vitamin A. You probably came across that in your research but I wanted to mention it for anyone reading this. I tried this the other day and while the taste was great, the consistency was too rubbery.
If you are looking to substitute soy due to an allergy, miso is NOT necessarily a viable alternative, as it is almost always made from fermented soybeans. Thank you for sharing this recipe! I used it to demonstrate the spongy, stretchy qualities of gluten to my high school students. None of them had heard of seitan before and were really skeptical, but they enjoyed it!
I added a brown gravy to show the thickening power of flour. It was an excellent addition to our basic ingredients unit. I loved the Challah and will use that during our upcoming yeast bread unit. Thank you, thank you! Do you want it to die??
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Cause it will. Cats and dogs are carnivores see those teeth they are there for a reason! That being said My Actual question is Can the broth be reused? I am experiencing the same issues as a lot of other posters… the seitan did not form a cohesive ball and fell apart in the simmering broth. I followed the recipe to the T. I tried this recipe just last night. I am a fairly new vegan had never made seitan before. Honestly, it the best seitan I have had!
I followed the recipe exactly, except I used Braggs instead of soy sauce. I have stocked up on vital wheat gluten, and will never buy seitan again. I will always make my own. I really appreciate this recipe! Am going to give it a while anyway but would would love some ideas or cautionary tales if anyone has them. I cook mine for 4 to 6 hours on low in a slow cooker and it comes out a beauty.
Hi all. I tried making my seitan a lil different and used hot broth to mix in the dry ingredients. I cook veggies in it or make gravy!! This is a great addition to any vegan meal. I made a […]. I am a huge fan of mushrooms so i ground up some dried shiitake mushrooms in my spice grinder and added that to the mix.
I loved this recipe-so easy and delicious. I will certainly make this again. I had been wanting to try seitan for the longest time and so I decided to make this recipe last night. Once it was sauteed it almost tasted like steak, which was a tad creepy as a vegetarian, but delicious. Thanks again, Isa!! Two tablespoons per pound of the following mix, and substituted broth for soy sauce in the dough and for simmering.
I think that plenty of kneading and stretching gives it the great texture for frying or baking. IsaChandra Thanks for this great recipe and the advice to simmer rather than boil. You are absolutely awesome and so is this recipe! I weatherize homes and go out of town for weeks at a time. I work with mostly with men and one other woman. Generally the girls are stuck cooking and this recipe combined with a seitan sloppy joe mix go great!
They can not even tell the difference! Converting the carnivals. Fun tip: if you have more gluten flour than you can use for baking, you can make seitan with […]. Does anyone know if nutritional yeast has iodine in it? My vegetarian daughter has thyroid cancer and needs to be on a low-iodine diet prior to her treatment.
So: no seaweed or sea salt or other sea products and no soy products and a few other beans. Her proteins are limited to lentils, chickpeas, nuts, seeds, and grains. Fortunately wheat is OK and I have a good bit of vital gluten in the freezer! Isa, I will also check out your website for a good veggie broth recipe. My favs are to use the broths from from soaking dried mushrooms or from boiling potatoes.
Potato broth is also awesome in homemade bread. For the seitan I want a really flavorful broth since our choices are limited. Baking, Brooklyn, waitress, punkish. You can view the original recipe here. I cooked the seitan to use in place of the chicken and it was amaaaaziiiiinnngg. There is […]. Been putting off making it because past results were unpredictable. Perfection at last! After reading all the comments I made one small change. Then cut, kneaded and smacked it silly on the cutting board. I guess I scared it enough that it is never ever going to be spongy on me again.
Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you. Oh, this broth is full flavored and great to use anywhere you might use broth. A few quick searches led me to this blog article and recipe. Then I went to Amazon. Thanks so much for the recipes! I loooooove this site! I mean a lot, like a quarter cup. Anyone else have this problem? Also, save the broth! I use it to make UnBeef shtoo! End result is always cooked or boiled dough and not the meattyness that store bought or restaurant seitan offers. Any suggestions would be great, this has been quite frustrating. That is the beautiful thing about cooking, you can find an amazing recipe and make it your […].
Also, the flavor stays in the seitan better if you steam so no need for a broth to boil in. It is done when it gets a firmness to the touch. Wish me luck. It is definitely more difficult to get a nice, thoroughly cooked, boiled seitan then a steamed seitan. Cats should NOT be vegan Amanda. You will kill your cat. Please no. Please check with a veterinarian. Good grief.